


why won't you smile at me ?

by raykay



Series: call me a mess [3]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival ALL STARS (Video Game), ラブライブ! 虹ヶ咲学園スクールアイドル同好会 | Love Live! Nijigasaki Gakuen School Idol Doukoukai (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Intense Eye Contact, Love Confessions, Love Triangle, Lunch date, Mutual Pining, Overcoming Issues, Thoughts of unrequited love, Unofficial First Date, hand holding, parents just don't understand, pomu and setsu in love, talking out misunderstandings, they're luvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:29:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28035432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raykay/pseuds/raykay
Summary: just because you treat someone someway, doesn't make them obligated to share your feelings.
Relationships: Takasaki Yuu/Uehara Ayumu, Takasaki Yuu/Uehara Ayumu/Yuuki Setsuna, Takasaki Yuu/Yuuki Setsuna, Uehara Ayumu/Yuuki Setsuna
Series: call me a mess [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053107
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	why won't you smile at me ?

Setsuna had always been able to make people smile. The idol. Not Nana, but Setsuna. 

So why couldn't she get Ayumu to smile?

Sometimes it felt like she was smiling, but it was clear to see that it was fake. Pasted on to make her seem like she was happy, when it was clear to anyone that she wasn't. Or maybe it was just clear to Setsuna. Yuu didn't seem to notice. Nor did anyone else in the idol club. But Setsuna noticed. If she was being honest she noticed more than she didn't notice.

Whenever she offered to join Ayumu, she looked disappointed. It was disappointing to see the other so disappointed. What had Setsuna done wrong? Ayumu had been so passionate about being an idol at first. Everyone had it in their own way to show their passion. Ayumu had a silent passion, one that others would feed off of, even when she had a rough time getting into things. That passion had dwindled though. It felt like it was fading. That hurt to see. The dark haired girl tried to figure out what was stopping Ayumu from being herself. A frown crossed her face as she walked down the steps from the school idol club.  
Having run into the other girl the day before, Setsuna felt worried. Ayumu had been crying in the bathroom, and she still had yet to say why. Setsuna hadn't pushed, knowing it would be rude to do so. The other had seemed so distressed. Yet it also was a relief. Ayumu was letting out her negative emotions, and now she hoped that things would return to normal. She hadn't walked home with Yuu and Ayumu recently. It felt tense whenever she did so. Which was too bad. She liked both girls plenty. She'd always felt comfortable around them both. So what had happened to that?

Setsuna was determined to get to the bottom of it all. It was why she had asked Ayumu to join her at lunch the next day. It was summer, it was nice out. They didn't _have_ to be stuck at school if they didn't want to be. So it would all work out. To her delight, Ayumu had accepted the offer. That was good. Things were already going better than they would before. However, she could only wonder what she had done to make Ayumu so opposed to being around her. Setsuna wasn't blind. The frustration, anger, disappointment, it all was there when they were around each other. Setsuna adored Ayumu. The thought that the thing upsetting the other girl was Setsuna herself was soul crushing.

Having texted Ayumu the day of their lunch arrangement, Setsuna silently awaited an answer. She'd selected a red t-shirt and some black jeans. All she wanted was to figure things out with the other girl. They had to figure something, anything out. The girl stared down at her phone, willing Ayumu to start answering the text. "Come on," she mumbled. "Come on Ayu let's get going..." She wasn't mad or anything. No, she was more nervous. What if Ayumu stood her up? That made it sound like a date, the thought of it made her face go a light shade of red. She wouldn't ever be opposed to a date with Ayumu. Secretly she wanted to think of this as a date. But she just couldn't. It wouldn't work out properly. There were plenty of anxieties that came with all of that. Setsuna had feelings for Ayumu though. She loved her. What she couldn't figure out was why Ayumu didn't seem to have any positive feelings for her anymore.

Setsuna liked to be liked. Nana was the unlikable part of her. The cold student council president. But even Nana was striving to be likable. Her parents loved Nana, but they also loved pushing her to have no interest but school. Setsuna knew her personality could be a bit much at times. It was hard to keep it all together when the club was the one chance she got to be herself. Not everyone's president. She was the passionate idol so many looked up to. The thought of having to give any of that up stung. She just wanted to be normal. While living a double life was cool, it was draining. Her parents would never see what she did. At least not until she felt like it was smart to do so. Setsuna could do it all. She had always had the ability to juggle tasks and other things. No one seemed to believe she could though. Her parents didn't want her doing anything but classwork. It just didn't sit right with her. When could she tell them she was Setsuna Yuki? Moreover: When could she tell them that and have them be proud? Shaking her head, Setsuna tried to push those thoughts from her head and instead looked at her phone again. During her thoughts she had missed Ayumu's response. She was coming.  
Ayumu— as sweet as she was— was hard to read at times. She could act so normal but you could tell the words weren't genuine. Lately it had been more of the tense and begrudging kind of nice. She wasn't rude in any way, she just didn't seem thrilled to do much of anything. Setsuna wondered what had made that the case. After the conversation about the song, she feared that it was _her_ that was the problem. That thought alone was heartbreaking. Setsuna knew that she shouldn't, but she had been fostering a crush on Ayumu, and Yuu. She should be focusing on schoolwork and being an idol, and she knew that. But she couldn't help herself. She fell in love with Yuu the moment she saw her. Her passion and love for idols, the way that she was able to help others reach their dream. It was so amazing.  
And Ayumu, she was so wonderful. Soft spoken but still assertive, she could get things done. Her lack of self confidence was endearing, but Setsuna had seen her grow so much over the time they were in the club together. She was improving, and her interest in idols was amazing. She liked Ayumu more than words could describe. Perhaps that was why her brain was twisting this lunch event into a first date. That wasn't what it was though. Simply two friends going to straighten out whatever had come between them. Especially since Setsuna hadn't a clue what had driven a wedge between herself and the other girl.

Setsuna had practically run to the location where they had arranged their meeting, although there was no reason to do so. She wasn't late, and Ayumu wasn't early. When she saw the familiar outline of the other girl she waved, raising her hand into the air. "Ayumu!" The other looked surprised to hear her voice. Did Ayumu think that she wouldn't show? The thought alone worried her a bit, but she knew that there wasn't much she could do about that now. Ayumu's eyes met hers and- There it was! That disappointed glance quickly masked by a smile. She had to get to the bottom of it.   
Walking towards the other, Setsuna lightly grabbed her hand and pulled the other along with her. "Come on, we can get a good seat and order. Yeah?" Ayumu nodded, a small smile on her face. Setsuna hadn't even noticed the other girl just staring at their interlaced fingers. She was focused on other things. Once they were both seated, an uncomfortable silence settled over the pair. Setsuna took this as a sign to start talking and fast.

"So, how've you been this week?"  
"Oh, me?" Ayumu pointed to herself, seeming to realize there was no one else there. Her face got so pink. Setsuna had to hope hers wasn't the same, it was always so cute seeing the other girl get flustered. "Duh, me. I've been alright." She paused, looking down at her hands. "Just... Busy."  
Alright? The way she'd cried in the bathroom didn't strike Setsuna as alright. Pushing her on that fact seemed a bit unfair though. "I get that! Being busy is the worst," she said. "Unless it's fun stuff. I like when I'm busy with the idol club."  
This simply evoked another nod from the other girl. As the two waited for some drinks to come, Setsuna couldn't help herself.  
"Ayumu, are you alright?"  
"What do you mean? I'm fine."  
Setsuna's gaze had turned a bit skeptical. "I mean, maybe. But a fine person doesn't have-" She cut herself off. She knew at times she could be harsh. Remembering how Kasumi had reacted to their difference in how they define being a good idol, she tried to rein it in a bit. "Well, if you're sure. I just worry about you. Everyone worries about each other in the club. I don't want you to feel like you're being singled out."  
Ayumu stared for a moment, looking unsure of what to say next. "What exactly do you mean? You're not making the most sense."  
"It's just that you seem kind of off lately. Usually you're more excited for everything. I feel like..." Setsuna paused. "You promise you won't be mad at me if this sounds mean? I'm not trying to be mean, really. I just don't know how to phrase things gently sometimes is all." She looked at her hands nervously, and then back to Ayumu, whose expression had softened significantly. Good.  
"I won't be mad. Just tell me."  
"Good." Setstuna still took a moment to collect herself and figure out the proper words. "I think it's like, you seem like something's off. You're still the nice Ayu you've always been. I just feel like something's wrong. You're acting more down than usual, especially the other day when..." She trailed off. Mentioning the bathroom incident seemed like a bit of a wrong move. So she tried to avoid it. "I worry. I know that it may not seem like Setsuna is a worrier, but she is. And when she isn't, Nana does the worrying." Referring to herself in that way made her feel like Kasumi. She almost laughed, but held it in. "I just want to let you know I'm always here for you. Alright?"

Setuna's heart was pounding. She had been so close to changing those last few words. Almost saying that not only did she care about Ayumu and would always be there for her, but that she loved her too. The words stayed lodged in her throat.  
"Thank you," Ayumu said. She frowned slightly. "To tell you the truth, things have been a little off." That got Setsuna's attention.  
"Oh! Is there anything I can do to help? I mean I do-"  
"It's not that simple. At least I don't think it is." Ayumu paused, but Setstuna stayed silent in anticipation. "I just... It's hard being an idol."  
Setsuna nodded silent agreement. It was hard but rewarding. She needed to focus on Ayumu though, not her own ideas and thoughts.  
"And it's hard having to share someone with everyone else. You know?" That was when the words seemed to spill. "I love the club, I really do. Just sometimes I wish that I got some more time with Yuu. I'm scared she doesn't like me anymore. That she's outgrowing me. As a friend. As - as anything really. I don't want to lose a connection like that. We've been close for as long as I remember. And I - I know I'm not why she wants to do any of this. She likes passionate idols. Like you, and Karin. And - everyone. I just feel like I'm her last option and I'm going to keep being her last option. Forever. Setsuna, how do you get her to like you so much? You have to let me in on your secret."  
Silence fell over them again. Ayumu looked like she was done but spoke again. "And it's not your fault! I just realized how that sounded and I didn't mean it like that. It isn't your fault. I just feel like. I admire you, and Yuu admires you. Because we both admire you I think that I just - I don't know how to say it. But something like her appreciating you more and I appreciate you too I just feel like sometimes your passion overshadows me because, I don't feel the same way about idols as you and Yuu do all the time." She sighed. "I love idols, but I don't love them all the time. I get so frustrated practicing, but you both smile through every bump in the road and. I think that's what makes her like you so much. It's the same way I feel, you two just have that in common. It's why I like you both so much."

It was plenty to take in. Setsuna blinked, "You admire me?" Ayumu's silent nod was an answer enough.  
"I don't think Yuu likes me more. We just have a shared interest." Ayumu liked her. Ayumu thought Yuu liked her. _Wow._ That was a lot to take in right now. Setsuna's heart was going into overdrive, and she silently hoped Ayumu couldn't hear the unsteady pounding in her chest. "I admire you too though Ayumu. It isn't like you're any less." That was what she thought the other was getting at. Hopefully. "I think that it's just a shared interest. And she was helping with some stuff, you know how she plays the piano."   
Ayumu nodded. "I do."  
"I think that she's just branching out. But I don't think she likes you any less. You're no one's last choice." The dark haired girl reached across the table to grab Ayumu's hands. The two girls's eyes met.

"You're not my last choice Ayumu. Of everyone in the club, I think you're most definitely my first."

**Author's Note:**

> not sure how to feel abt this part, but it makes sense to me ? i just. hm i wouldn't say that the end means anything more than setsu backhandedly confessing her feelings. the aftermath will be covered in the next part, i felt a lil stressed writing this just bc i have sm to do. i'll continue this series after exams this week !! hopefully <33


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